I’ve smeared my makeup and knotted my hair.
It’s not even noon yet.
Her words were meant to be comforting.
She gave tips on how to numb myself, and pull myself away.
How to give up without walking away.
Comparing me to the most crushing relationship I’ve ever known.
Just hold on, she said.
What kind of a life is that? I said.
She told me how to keep busy and fill my time with other things.
Bide my time with other people.
I’m not condoning or disapproving, she said.
It’s just the way it is, she said.
Her words brought out what I’d been swallowing.
Feeling it spill down my cheeks.
She told me to make a plan, set my goals, write it down.
How to turn this into something.
It felt like a long time coming.
Hearing it from someone else makes it cold, makes it real.
Uh huh, I said.
I have to go wash my face, I said.